3 ways to Overcome Negativity

Positive and negative

What is negativity?

From Vocabulary.com Dictionary

  • Negativity is a tendency to be downbeat, disagreeable and skeptical. It’s a pessimistic attitude that always expects the worst.
  • Negative outcomes are bad outcomes, like losing a game, getting a disease, suffering an injury, or getting something stolen. Negativity is an attitude that always expects such negative things to happen. “I bet it’ll rain during our picnic!” and “No one could ever love me!” are examples of negativity. “The world is getting worse and worse!” is negativity. Someone full of negativity is hard to cheer up, and they always expect the worst. The opposite of negativity is positivity.

Negativity can become a bad habit that makes the world seem grey. We need more positivity in the world rather than less. With that in mind I have written the blog with just 3 ways to overcome negativity that might help the adjustment from negative to positive.

Signs That It’s Time to Adjust Your Mindset

Ultimately, how you look at your life, is what will make you happy or unhappy.

When you are consumed with negative thoughts and beliefs, you will discover that you are unhappy with your life. Eventually, your perception of the world will become your reality. This is why changing your mindset is so important because it will make a substantial difference in your life. Here are four signs that it’s time for you to change your mindset.

You Focus on Everything That’s Wrongnegative thinking

A sure indication that you need to shift your mindset is when you continuously fix your attention on the disappointments and worry in your life. To change this mindset, you need to take some time to think about the things you are thankful for in your life. This will help to keep the negative thoughts from overwhelming your perspective.

You Refuse to Face the Truth

Complaining all the time about reality won’t change anything. Always complaining about your life is your refusal to acknowledge and accept the truth. There are things in your life that you just won’t be able to change, and refusing to see reality, will result in you no longer being able to separate fact from fiction. To change this, you have to take action and change those things that you can change and accept those things that you can’t change.

You are Angry When Your Expectations Aren’t Met

A large part of your mindset consists of your expectations. These are what you believe to be possible and necessary. If you are always angry with the people in your life because they aren’t meeting your expectations, it means that you have unrealistic expectations to start with. It is our expectations that lay the groundwork for our experiences, but if you have unrealistic expectations for yourself and those around you, you will never be satisfied with your life.

Always Seeing Yourself as the Victim

When you always see yourself as the victim, you are hindering your ability to change things and create a better life for yourself. A victim mentality is typically a by-product of low self-esteem. If you want to change your mindset, you have to reject the victim role and start building something better for your life.

Changing your mindset isn’t always easy, but it is one of the most powerful things that you can do for yourself. Learn how to recognize when you have a negative mindset and make the necessary changes to become more positive.

3 ways to Overcome Negativity in your life.

Having constant negative thoughts pouring through your mind will quickly put a stop to any creativity and tends to get in the way of realising your true potential. While we all know that being more positive and optimistic in our lives will help us find success but many struggle to make the change from a negative to a positive mindset. So let’s look at ways to overcome negativity.positive and negative 3 ways to Overcome Negativity

Negative thoughts can affect your body and general wellbeing too.

These are some of the ways you can be affected

  1. Restlessness
  2. Sleepiness
  3. Nervousness
  4. Headaches
  5. Stomach aches
  6. Fatigue and exhaustion
  7. Heavy breathing
  8. Confusion and tension
  9. Sudden mood swings
  10. Anxiety or depression

Three simple keys to help you overcome negativity 

Recognize when you are using negative thoughts

It’s often when we are being ridiculed, face disappointment or don’t want to put in the effort to do something. We will often use negative thoughts to protect ourselves. We tell ourselves things like: “It won’t work,” or “I can’t do that,” we are permitting ourselves to play it safe, taking the negative option rather than thinking “I will try”.

When you catch yourself thinking negatively and talking yourself out of action, take a step back and remind yourself that the most successful people have also faced failure. If you are talking yourself out of something that you really want, just take the time to make a list of why you want it. The list of positives will help to change your focus and keep you moving forward.

Use Black and White Thinking Think positive

Many people will say “think positive.” However, as we all know, it isn’t always that easy. When you find yourself stuck in a cycle of negative thinking or are terrified of a negative outcome, positive thoughts often ring as untrue. When you find yourself worrying about a negative result, take a paper and pen to write down the worst thing that can happen. Then write down the best thing that could happen. After that think of some middle ground outcomes. Creating a variety of potential outcomes will make you less emotional and therefore able to think more clearly.

Become an Observer of Your Thoughts

Doesn’t it always seem much easier to see and solve someone else’s problems than your own? You can recognize when your sibling is getting all worked up over nothing or that losing sleep over a meeting isn’t going to help. However, when it is your mind dealing with negative thoughts, it’s a lot tougher to see what’s happening and stop. When you decide you want to be more positive, you need to become more conscious of what you are thinking. When you can step back and analyse things as an observer, there will be a shift in your focus and you’ll be more mindful of how you are looking at the situation. Being able to focus more on positive thoughts will make you happier and more optimistic about your life in general. This will allow you to experience more joy and well-being.

Conclusion

Negativity can impact all areas of your life, those were just 3 ways to Overcome Negativity, there are of course many more. It can become such a habit to always look on the negative side that it becomes something done without realising. Once someone gets into a negative mindset any suggestions to help will be deflected with more negativity. Other people find it draining to be around someone who is negative all the time and will start to avoid them.

Once you become more positive you give off a completely different energy and people are drawn to you. Life, work, relationships go so much better and everything seems so much brighter.

The Power of Positive Thought

The power of positive thought

The Damaging Negativity

Most of us will answer “I don’t mind” to a vast array of questions. From what we want for dinner/lunch,breakfast to suggestions of things to do and places to go and even on what to watch on TV.I dont know in letters
At times we do think first and still say ‘I don’t mind’ because we think it’s a nicer response when asked a question.

Rather than forcing everyone to do what we want, we instead pretend that we don’t have an opinion in order to keep everyone else happy.
Now that seems nice but can end up making you feel resentful, having to do things you really don’t want to do.

We all have the power of positive thought but we have to make a conscious effort to use it rather than responding automatically.

The Mayo Clinic website says:

  • Positive thinking doesn’t mean that you keep your head in the sand and ignore life’s less pleasant situations. Positive thinking just means that you approach unpleasantness in a more positive and productive way. You think the best is going to happen, not the worst.
  • Positive thinking often starts with self-talk. Self-talk is the endless stream of unspoken thoughts that run through your head. These automatic thoughts can be positive or negative. Some of your self-talk comes from logic and reason. Other self-talk may arise from misconceptions that you create because of lack of information.
  • If the thoughts that run through your head are mostly negative, your outlook on life is more likely pessimistic. If your thoughts are mostly positive, you’re likely an optimist — someone who practices positive thinking.

Responsibility

Sometimes you can’t decide what to do for best and prefer to avoid the responsibility of making the wrong choice, so you say ‘I don’t mind’, giving someone else the job of making that decision.
The trouble with this is there’s a very real chance that everyone will say they don’t mind, which then slows things down because no one wants to make a decision.
Another danger is that you end up seeming disinterested as though you really don’t care enough to give an answer. That can be annoying when someone is offering you a drink or refreshments, for example, as either you get nothing or something you don’t like.
Sometimes the other person will then give their opinion and you end up doing what they want instead. This can lead to resentment as you can feel as though you never get to do what you want.

Others can also find it irritating having to always make the decisions.

Speaking Your MindIts all in your head, Use the power of positive thought.

‘I don’t mind’ is essentially basically conflict avoidance of discussions and can make you look completely incapable of making decisions.
And the daft part is that there’s actually nothing impolite about speaking your mind and saying what you’d prefer.

Make sure you make it clear that you are open to others opinions too. Instead of ‘I don’t mind’, try: ‘I’d prefer we had the lasagne tonight but I’m open to other options’. See, that doesn’t seem so difficult, does it?

Whether you want to be more positive or stay more negative, it’s a choice you make. Use your mind to be more positive.

The Law of Attraction can Transform Your Life & Beliefs

Many of us want our lives to change, but we don’t know how to do anything about it. We assume that our lives will change of their own accord and that we will then change as a result. Then hope we will feel happier and more confident because of it.
What many don’t realise is that more often than not, this actually works the other way around.

That by acting the way we want to feel, we end up feeling that way and then our life ends up changing too! This is what we call the “law of attraction.”

How it Works

Want to be more successful? Start using the power of positive thought to make the changes you want.

Start acting like you’re already successful. Then people start treating you as more successful and they give you more opportunities. So then you become ‘luckier’.lucky four leaf clover

It’s not chance or a symbol you carry, like a four leaf clover, it’s the more positive mindset, that draws those opportunities to you.
Want to be richer? Act richer. Want to do better at work? Believe you can. Want to be smarter? Act smarter.
This is closely related to what are known as ‘self-fulfilling prophecies’. These are situations where you actually change your behavior in line with your beliefs. A great example is what’s known as a ‘scotoma’ or a ‘blind spot’.
Ever lost your phone and searched for it for hours only to have a friend come up and find it in seconds? That’s a scotoma in action – you have convinced yourself that the item is lost and this belief literally prevents you from finding that item.
The same can happen in our careers or love lives. If you tell yourself you’re a failure then your unconscious mind will actually sabotage your success in those areas.

Those beliefs are or become limiting beliefs, once fixed in the subconscious, they operate to protect you.

What can you do?

To be as successful as you can be in any capacity, you need to eliminate doubt. Does that seem overly simple? It is but it’s also hard to do as we tend to self sabotage without even realising it.
For example, if you believe you are no good at your job, you might find yourself slouching, not speaking up in meetings and trying to hide from taking on additional responsibility, it’s quite normal behaviour for that belief.
But as a result of course, you will find that people don’t believe you have what it takes to get a promotion at all. If you don’t act the part, you don’t get the part.
The same thing happens in dating. If you think you’re bad looking, you won’t approach attractive members of the opposite sex because you are convinced they are out of your league. So you don’t dress to impress, thereby aiding you in this impression. You very likely avoid eye contact and give the impression of lack of confidence. All helping to make this a self fulfilling prophecy.

To break the cycle, start by changing your thoughts. You are worth the best that life has to offer, the promotion, the best dates. Tell yourself that over and over until the thought is second nature.

The start behavinging like you believe in yourself. That means dressing better, taking risks and being more assertive. You’ll find you attract more positive attention and that this can lead to better results as well as improving the way you think about yourself.

Take positive steps

Here’s a unique concept that can help you to become the best version of yourself possible:
Have a celebration!
This is about saying goodbye to old negative habits, the old version of you and welcoming the new person you have become. Make it a celebration of stepping into your new life.

Decide you are going to be the best version of yourself, walk tall, head high and look people in the eye with a smile. Maybe you will start out quaking in your shoes but within a very short time it will be a habit and your confidence will grow.

The more you check the negative thoughts and replace them with positive thoughts, the better your life will become.

Step into your future with confidence.

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Surviving the Lockdown

lockdown

Everyone is in the same boat pretty much. We are confined to our homes, surviving the lockdown, to slow the spread of corona virus or COVID-19 as it is called.

So what to do?

You can either constantly complain and be negative and miserable the whole time or start seeing it as a positive thing.

What do you meanThe key to happiness. Surviving the Lockdown

Do you really want to spend weeks, maybe months being miserable? Of course not.

I am sure you would rather be happy.

Why not see this as an opportunity to do lots of things that you never get time to do. All those books you thought of reading but there was other stuff needing to be done.

How about those crafts you fancied trying but never had the time.

What about the times you have seen things about meditation, looked and it wistfully and then moved on?

Yoga. Fancy trying yoga? Gentle movements that can do you good. Exercise is important to how you feel.

Live alone? Then go online and look for groups in your area with similar interests.

Living with family? I bet you aren’t all used to be in the same place at the same time. This is a good chance to reconnect.

Readingmagical book

If you haven’t ever been much of a reader it’s worth putting your interests in to google along with ‘books’ to see what comes up. With time on your hands, its a chance to learn new things or lose yourself in fiction. There are plenty of free books you can download. Just get a kindle or ebook reader app connect it to an Amazon or other account and you can download them.

Books can be magical transporting you to different times and places, real and imagined. Even different planets, galaxies or dimensions.

They can make the imagination soar.

Non fiction, like biographies, can give you a peek into others lives and how they came to do what they do and become. Travel books can take you away to exotic locations and may have you planning to travel more.

If you are a reader, the chances are you have many books, real and digital waiting to be read. If you read mostly fiction, try stepping out of your comfort zone and get a non fiction book on something that interests you. So many books and so little time.

Then of course there are blogs. Thousands, millions of blogs on every subject you can think of ….. well most subjects. Not as long as a book of course, a shorter but interesting read. You can flit from one to another discovering favourites to go back to later.

Craftscrafts

Then there are crafts. Ever had a creative urge? Seen various crafts and just wanted a go? Maybe watched your mother or grandmother? I learnt to knit from my grandmother, crochet I taught myself from a little booklet which I still have. Since then I have painted pictures, done needle felting pictures and animals. tried jewellery making and creating handmade books. I discovered what was fun to have a go at and what was something I really wanted to do which was digital art.

You could even end up with a business like me. Funnily enough it started with forced rest when I was ill for a bit.  I just can’t do nothing so I went back to my crochet and made blankets, then added scarves. Trouble was, I soon had quite a pile of them. My daughter suggested I sell online, so I had a look and went from there. That was 10 years ago now. 5 years into my business I was made redundant from work, I gave myself 8 months to make a proper go of it and earn enough to replace my job  or I would be getting another job. Never looked back.

Its surprising the turns life can take just from trying something new. Go online and have a look, see what appeals, there are lots of craft kits available.

Etsy, Folksy and Not on The High Street are the main ones. Lots do pop up and disappear but those 3 have been going since well before I started my online adventure. Of course there is Hobbycraft too.

Meditation

Meditation is a wonderful practice, it is excellent for mental and physical health, plus general wellbeing. meditation

Don’t listen to so called guru’s who tell you that its best to meditate for hours, that is nonsense. You don’t have to sit cross legged, being uncomfortable is counter productive anyway.

So many people say they can’t meditate, they tried and can’t stop thinking about stuff. Blanking your mind takes a lot of practice and some never achieve that. You learn to observe the thoughts and let them go.  Or you just sit and daydream, thats a kind of meditation in itself.

Have you ever been for a walk and your mind drifted, not really thinking about anything in particular, just enjoying the day and the moment? That too is a kind of meditation. Still think you can’t do it? You probably do it more often than you realise.

Many doctors are advocates of meditation. In some countries children are taught to meditate and from then on start their school day with a period of meditation as they believe it makes the children, calmer,  concentrate better and be more focused.

Yoga

Yoga is a group of physical, mental, and spiritual practices or disciplines which originated in ancient India. They are slow movements into positions that are then held for a time while focusing on the breath. These are specific movements and poses that will gradually tone and strengthen.

Again, this is something doctors advocate nowadays because of the overall benefits. As you can see, there is also information about it on the government NHS website.

From the NHS website. Read the article HERE!

What is yoga?yoga

  • Yoga is an ancient form of exercise that focuses on strength, flexibility and breathing to boost physical and mental wellbeing. The main components of yoga are postures (a series of movements designed to increase strength and flexibility) and breathing.
  • The practice originated in India about 5,000 years ago and has been adapted in other countries in a variety of ways. Yoga is now commonplace in leisure centres, health clubs, schools, hospitals and surgeries.

From the BBC website. Go HERE to access the video.

Coronavirus: Simple yoga poses to help home workers

  • Much like thousands people across the country right now, BBC reporter Emily Ford is working from her home.
  • While she’s used to producing stories every day, she is also a qualified yoga teacher.
  • Here, Emily shares a few tips and tricks on how to stay energised during the coming months with some simple stretches and breathing exercises.

Living alone

It’s not easy to be living alone and confined to your home. If you tend to feel anxiety the forced confinement can make it worse. It is very easy forthoughts to spiral out of control especially if you watch the news and programmes about the corona virus.

It seems to me that most focus on the increasing numbers getting the virus and the number of deaths worldwide. It’s very rarely mentioned that there are very large numbers of people that had the virus and recovered.

Keep in touch with family and friends. Talk to them on the phone and Facetime where possible. It’s good to talk but even better to chat when you can see them, it makes the person feel closer somehow.

If you can research local groups in your area with similar interests to you and join any that interest you. They will probably have an online space to chat while the lockdown is in progress. Contact with others is good and very important. You may find that when this is all over you have made new friends to pursue interests with.

If you are generally out a lot you could look at this as a good time to catch up on reading or start a new hobby.

Have some exercise each day, a walk, an online yoga or other exercise class. Try a meditation class too.

It can also be therapeutic to clear out things no longer used or needed.

 

Living with family

This is your chance to get off your phones and have real conversations. Sit round a table and discuss things. Talk about worries and fears about the situation, sharing makes it easier. Discuss likes and dislikes. Why not share hopes and dreams?

Have meals together, it’s a time to share food and conversation.family meal

Go for walks together once a day. It’s good to have a change of scenery, plus the exercise and fresh air can be very therapeutic.

In ‘normal’ everyday life it seems that families occupied the same space, their home, but didn’t really connect much with each other. As they grew up each would spend more time in their own space than with others. Even eating was something done separately in each persons space.

Family is such an important support group that seems very under utilised nowadays.

What else can you do together? Play board games, card games and do a jigsaw puzzle. Find a hard one and make a start. You will find that most if not all the household will stop as they pass it to add a piece or two. It can be fun.

Gardening is very good for you. Once its tidy, plant some seeds, grow tomatoes and cucumbers, they don’t take up much space and if you have room plant other quick growing veggies. There are lots of gardening blogs with advice on all different types of gardens. It can be fun to plan something different for your outside space.

Got young  children? There are newly sprung up groups on facebook for parents to exchange ideas on amusing children.

Children get tired of the same toys after a while, or they just outgrow them. Look for an online group in your local area that swaps toys or puts them on a group for free. Those can be left outside the house and  collected.

My sister helps run such a group and its very popular. Its monitored so people dont try to sell items on it. It’s so that perfectly good items can be reused or recycled, rather than end up in landfill too soon. Helping yourself and the planet. Result!!

 

How are YOU Surviving the Lockdown?

There is a lot you can do to keep your spirits up during this time. The main thing is to stay positive if you can and see it as an opportunity to spend quality time with loved ones.

It’s also a chance to try things you never have time for in the normal course of your lives. It’s actually very good for you to slow down and relax more, learn to live life at a slower pace.

Children don’t need to be entertained every minute of the day. Its good for them to get bored occasionally as it encourages imagination and creativity. We need young ones to have imaginations, they are out innovators and inventors of tomorrow, just as the adults are today’s innovators and inventors.

Think of this as a sort of holiday. No you can’t go out and about but you can relax and go with the flow.

Remember …… nothing last forever, everything passes and this will too.


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Comments and questions welcome.

 

Why are Limiting Beliefs bad

Stop sign. What are limiting beliefs

Why are we interested or even want to know the answer to the question of why are Limiting Beliefs bad?

We are interested because of the way they can influence and impact upon our life now and future. The way they STOP us doing things we want to do especially reaching our goals in all areas of our life as well as work/business.

Limiting beliefs come about from things we have heard through our lives often from childhood. We tend to be more emotionally susceptible to the experiences that we have early on in life than we are later in life.

It’s often said that children are like sponges, absorbing all sorts of things that they hear and see as well as things they are taught.

Children pick up many things that become Core beliefs.

What is a Belief?

From Your Dictionary.

  1. the state of believing; conviction or acceptance that certain things are true or real
  2. faith, esp. religious faith
  3. trust or confidence: I have belief in his ability
  4. anything believed or accepted as true; esp., a creed, doctrine, or tenet
  5. an opinion; expectation; judgment: my belief is that he’ll come

From the Merriam Webster Dictionary.

  • 1a state or habit of mind in which trust or confidence is placed in some person or thing.
  • 2something that is accepted, considered to be true, or held as an opinion something believed.
  • 3conviction of the truth of some statement or the reality of some being or phenomenon especially when based on examination of evidence

And we learn this from Wikipeadia.

  • Belief is the attitude that something is the case or true. In epistemology, philosophers use the term “belief” to refer to personal attitudes associated with true or false ideas and concepts. However, “belief” does not require active introspection and circumspection. For example, few ponder whether the sun will rise, just assume it will.

What are Core beliefs?

Wikipeadia says:

Basic beliefs (also commonly called foundational beliefs or core beliefs) are, under the epistemological view called foundationalism, the axioms of a belief system.

Categories of beliefs

Foundationalism holds that all beliefs must be justified in order to be believed. Beliefs therefore fall into two categories:

  • Beliefs that are properly basic, in that they do not depend upon justification of other beliefs, but on something outside the realm of belief.
  • Beliefs that derive from one or more basic beliefs, and therefore depend on the basic beliefs for their validity.

 

This makes perfect sense. believe in yourself  Why are Limiting Beliefs badWe have foundation or core beliefs that come from our surroundings and the people in our young lives. These give out lives structure and a basis to grow into our world. Many are also in place to keep us safe from people and situations, even the outside world.

So those beliefs can also hold us back.

We can say positive statements/mantras, believe that we can become successful and have the perfect life. That we can reach lofty goals if we just work harder and faster, that belief in ourselves will win the day.

Then we feel that we are not doing enough or doing something wrong. After all there are plenty of others doing the same things and living that perfect life.

Are Core and Limiting Beliefs the same?

I believe that limiting beliefs are the core beliefs that hold us back in life. Those core beliefs don’t change and grow with us, they don’t adjust as our world changes and we change from child to adult.

Consider how many young adults vote the same way their parents did. Many follow the religion they are brought up in.

They don’t question these or others like them. Some will and some will be encouraged to be independant and make their own minds up. That is rare though. Most parents bring up their children the same way they were brought up.

From the blog Inc.com

  • You have core beliefs that guide the decisions you make. They affect how you interpret the events in your life and they influence the way you think, feel, and behave.
  • Your healthy beliefs serve you well. But, the unrealistic, self-limiting beliefs you hold onto–and everyone has some unhealthy beliefs–can hold you back from reaching your greatest potential.
  • It’s important to acknowledge your core beliefs and examine which ones might be inaccurate and unproductive. Then, you can take steps to let go of the beliefs that are limiting your potential.

The unhealthy beliefs can be about yourself, others or the world.

What makes them Limiting Beliefs?

They hold us up, keep us back in the slow lane, behind everyone else.10 kmh sign

From Changingminds.org

  • Limiting beliefs are those that constrain us in some way. Just by believing in them, we don’t think, do or say the things they inhibit. And in doing so we impoverish our lives.
  • We may have them about rights, duties, abilities, permissions and so on.
  • Limiting beliefs are often about ourselves and our self identity. They may also be about other people and the world in general.
  • Most of all, they limit us

Common Limiting Beliefs.

From MindShifts

  • 1. I’m too old
  • 2. I’m not smart enough
  • 3. I am not educated enough
  • 4. I’m afraid of trying and failing
  • 5. You have to have money to make money
  • 6. I’ve already tried everything
  • 7. I can’t do that
  • 8. I don’t feel I really deserve it
  • 9. I’ll never be able to do that
  • 10. All the good ones are taken

 

Any of those sound familiar? The first one can also be the opposite,  too young. Quite a few of those go under the very common one. “I’m not good enough”.  This one can impact all areas of your life, constantly holding you back.

There are the money based limiting beliefs. These can hold you back from reaching success as often you end up self sabotaging before you actually become successful.

Do You Want more out of life!

Do you? Have you tried over and over again to change your life, worked hard, 2 or even 3 jobs to try and get ahead?

Do you feel that something inexplicably stops you from having the life you want? Or do you wonder why success is always out of reach?

Do you want to do more with your life?

There are so many limiting beliefs stored in your subconscious mind, that were originally there to keep you safe. That was good when you were a child but now as an adult they can keep you from living the life you want. From reaching goals, to never quite attaining success, to choice of life partner and so on.

Conclusionexit sign

Limiting beliefs can hold you back in so many ways and can stop you from living a fulfilled and happy life.

It can affect the life partner you choose, the work you go for as well as you general views on life.

There are many people who start businesses, new jobs etc that always give up before they start to do really well at the job or the business starts to take off. Those around them tend to be baffled by it and wonder why. It’s not a deliberate attempt to sabotage themselves, it’s a subconscious move. If they become successful and then wealthy it will go against a long held belief or a set of beliefs.

The human potential is almost limitless, but having potential is not the same as actually doing something with it. Many never fulfill even a small part of that potential because of limiting beliefs they have no idea they have.

So the answer to why are Limiting Beliefs bad is that they can affect every area of your life. They can affect the choices you make and ultimately affect your happiness, without you ever realising why.

Did I answer this question of What are Limiting Beliefs?

Do you feel that something inexplicably stops you from having the life you want? Or do you wonder why success is always out of reach?

Do you want to do more with your life?

Maybe it’s time to get that life you want. Now that you know what’s holding you back, it’s time to take the steps to break free, to head for the exit and freedom to be who you really are.

My next post will be how to do that.

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Definition of Change

change

What is change?

Change is the only thing in life that is constant, so what is the definition of change? There will always be changes whether we like them or not, it’s a natural process that will always occur. Some are caused by nature and not of our doing, while others occur by sudden inclination.

  • “Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them – that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” Lao Tzu
  • “Life is about change, sometimes it’s painful. Sometimes it’s beautiful. But most of the time, it’s both.” Lana Lang.
  • “One reason people resist change is because they focus on what they have to give up, instead of what they have to gain.” Rick Godwin.

Definition of change

From the Merriam-Webster dictionary.

  • Verb: to become different, or to make someone or something different.

There are also many other ways of putting it. The Cambridge Dictionary is much the same.

I could copy and paste great swathes of information but I won’t as you can have a look by clicking on the name if you are interested.

Alternative words for change:

alteration, variation, vicissitude, substitution, swerving, deviation, diversion, shuffling, difference, reconstruction, aberration, evolution, restyling, innovation, move, interchange, trade, switch, fluctuation, wavering, modulation, alternating, exchange, mutation, transformation, transmutation, modification, vary, swap, shift….

And there are many more.

So change is a big part of life in its many different forms.

As human beings, we tend to resist change. It begins when we are small as we go through a phase of wanting everything to be the same, such as: food (all meals), toys, clothes, the journeys taken and so on.

  • The fear of change or changing things is called Metathesiophobia.hiding behind and under cushions

 

Where does the fear originate from?

Most likely from cavemen times. There was safety in sticking to the same routes when travelling or hunting because life was more dangerous.

They stuck close to home and socialised with their own tribe. Strangers meant danger, they probably wanted to kill you.

Heights  came with the possibility of falling, speed probably meant you were running for your life. Excitement very likely meant fighting for your life.

Everything back then was about survival, there was danger in change. It wasn’t a good thing to do. Now however, we have evolved but the instincts to resist change are still there.

 

Why is Change Good now?

We no longer have to be as hyper alert to danger as our ancestors were. So change is good, without change we stagnate. We tend to stay within our comfort zone and it becomes a habit.

A young couple in a relationship need change to keep it moving forwards. If the relationship doesn’t change and grow it stagnates and they drift apart.

Some people as they get older stick to the same habits and routines that gradually diminish their interactions with others. Their world shrinks until they are existing rather than living. Life should be about expanding your horizons and comfort zone, rather than shrinking it.

Live, don’t just Exist.time for change Definition of Change

It has never been easier to learn new things even if you don’t have permanent access to a desktop computer or laptop. Nowadays you can use them in libraries for free and there are internet cafes. Many access the internet on their phones with the free WiFi available in so many places.

The internet opens our world up to infinite possibilities, explore them and grow as a person.

Older people cant learn new things?

Actually they can. The saying used to be ” An old dog can’t learn new tricks”. People apply this to themselves. It’s a good excuse for not making an effort.

Scientists have proved that we can continue to grow new neural networks well into our 90’s if we continue learning.

Curiousity keeps us young. Be curious about the world we live in and about your own smaller world. Ask yourself why people do this or that, how something is made and what would happen if…..

Being curious keeps us interested in life and whats going on around us. A chance comment or a written sentence can lead us to learn a wealth of new information without even trying. Learning doesn’t have to be boring. Many people are put off because they think of their schooldays, often learning by repetition.

Some things are good to learn that way, others just boring. I still know my times tables and they still come in useful. In my schooldays we recited them over and over until we knew them by heart. But it’s not exactly an exciting way to learn.

Why should I bother?

Because it can be fun.

It gives you something to talk about with others.

Exchanging views, talking about what you have learnt can be enjoyable. If you really listen and don’t just listen to have your say, you will find that the other person’s view can change yours a little. They may have a view you haven’t considered, that you may think about later and eventually integrates with your views, especially if you have an open mind.

What’s an open mind?keeping an open mind

The meaning in the Cambridge English Dictionary

  • 12 Feb 2020 – open mind definition: to wait until you know all the facts before forming an opinion or making a judgment.

Definition of an open mind by Merriam-Webster

  • Open mind definition is – a willingness to listen to or accept different ideas or opinions.

I agree with both of those. We learn by listening and not immediately jumping to conclusions.

Many will only consider their own point of view despite evidence that contradicts them. Though to be honest you can find information, facts and figures to support pretty much any hypothesis, which encourages people to close their minds to other possibilities.

Conclusion.

So we started with change and it ‘changed’ into discussions on views and keeping an open mind. Which of course is what much change is about. A willingness to look at new things and consider them.

To try something different without automatically saying, I can’t.

Try saying, I will try, instead of the automatic no, I can’t. It could lead to you having fun and enjoying life much more.

 


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Do you listen impatiently

An ear. Do you listen?

Do you listen impatiently?     

Do you really listen are you interested in what the other person has to say? Or do you stand there waiting for them to finish, to have your say?

For many the first few sentences remind them of a story they have, or an opinion they want to hold forth about. So they wait with great impatience not really hearing the rest just waiting impatiently for their turn. Do you do that?

Some will even butt in quite rudely just to have their say.

The power of conversation.

Conversation as defined by Wikipedia:

  • Conversation is interactive communication between two or more people.

The development of conversational skills and etiquette is an important part of socialization.  The development of conversational        skills in a new language is a frequent focus of language teaching and learning.”

Do you actually have conversations? Not gossip or idle chat but a real conversation.

As it says above, conversation is an interactive communication. Interactive as in 1 or more people listen, while another talks.

Those listening should be paying attention to the words, not already making up a response in their head.

Did you say WHY?

Why  Do you listen impatiently

Because its not about listening to talk/reply. It’s about properly listening to the words being said, hearing the meaning and taking it onboard. It’s paying attention to whoever is speaking and giving them the full attention that you would want if you were talking.

In an exchange of views (the art of conversation) when you have an exchange of ideas, views and opinions it will change your viewpoint just a little or maybe a lot.

If you get angry at hearing someone else’s views, then you no longer listen and the exchange cannot take place.  If your mind is closed to any other opinion except your own, the same result occurs.

A true open and honest conversation leaves all participants feeling good. They go away knowing that their life has been enriched by the exchange because they really listened and heard the other person or people.

Listen to learn.

When you learn something new, are you being taught either by a person or video, do you listen properly. Yes?

If so why? Because you are keen to learn or you need to learn the subject matter maybe. If it’s something you are interested in you will listen and pay attention. It’s much easier when you want to learn.

If your answer was no. Why? Are you being pushed into learning something that holds no interest for you? Maybe you just don’t like listening unless it’s something you want or concerns a hobby.

It’s our own best interest to listen properly when we are learning something new, otherwise we can end up going over and over the same thing just to take the knowledge onboard.

Is it your Attention span?

The Guardian says:

*  It’s just as you suspected; the information age has changed the general attention span. A recently published study from researchers at the Technical University of Denmark suggests the collective global attention span is narrowing due to the amount of information that is presented to the public. *

We do like to have something or someone to blame if we can’t or won’t do something.

BBC News website says:

Busting the attention span myth.

  • In the always-connected world of social media, smartphones and hyperlinks in the middle of everything you read, it can feel that much harder to stay focused.
  • And there are statistics too. They say that the average attention span is down from 12 seconds in the year 2000 to eight seconds now. That is less than the nine-second attention span of your average goldfish.
  • You might have seen those stats in Time magazine, the Telegraph, the Guardian, USA Today, the New York Times or the National Post. Maybe you heard a Harvard academic citing them on US radio. Or perhaps you read the management book Brief.
  • But if you pay a bit more attention to where the statistics come from, the picture is much less clear. 

So apparently it is from some statistics and not from others. Well that’s not much of a surprise.

Although in general, thanks to social media, people have become used to focusing on points of interest for much shorter amounts of time. Let’s face it, if something doesn’t capture your interest in the first couple of lines, you move on.

Do you find your attention wandering and your hand reaching for your phone when you are supposed to be listening? Listening properly is a choice you make and often depends upon who you are listening to and the subject matter.

Conclusion.

Shorter attention span or not, some people do not listen and pay attention.  Many that do listen, only do so in preparation to speak themselves.

If you listen with an open heart and mind you can hear more than the words that are spoken. It can change you and your viewpoint in however small a way.

Do you sometimes feel that you aren’t listened too? The way to remedy that is to learn to listen to others, not just to reply, but because you want to.

Listening is a gift and sometimes a person doesn’t want help or advice just someone to listen and show they care. So put down the phone and really focus, give a person your full attention and just listen.

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Choices good or bad create your life

Choice

CHOICE!

Choices good or bad create your life which means the life you have now is because of all the choices you have made up to this point. Now that can be hard to take in, especially if you aren’t happy with the way your life is right now. Every choice you make impacts your life and changes it for good or bad. The smallest decision can make a difference. When you look back over decisions made in the past, even ones you didn’t really think much about, it makes you realise that in reality your life is created by your choices.

From Wikipedia:

  • Choice involves decision making. It can include judging the merits of multiple options and selecting one or more of them. One can make a choice between imagined options or between real options followed by the corresponding action.*

Every single day we make choices whether you realise it or not.

Many people believe that life happens to them so things that happen in their life, isn’t their fault. Do you? Or do you realise that your life is created by your choices?

What Choices do you make?

Do you take the route of doing nothing when there are choices to be made, believing that any consequences that occur are not your fault?  Well I don’t like to disillusion you but ……….. that too is a choice. You are choosing not to make a choice and therefore the consequences of that choice are your responsibility.

signpost. Choices good or bad create your life

As we go through life we make choices, even as children. Choosing friends, books to read, whether to work hard in school or not. Then at high school choosing the subjects to take for exams. Thinking about what direction to go in after school, university or straight into a job.

Every day we choose when to get up, what to eat, whether to exercise, turn up for the job/school/interview etc.

How much cleaning gets done, laundry, washing/hoovering floors, dusting/getting rid of cobwebs etc.

What to do to relax, read or watch TV, do something creative or the myriad of other choices we have.

Many of these choices are done automatically, we don’t think about them much at all, it’s just something we do as part of daily life.

What do You want from life?

If you have found your way here you are clearly looking for change. So do you have an idea of what you want to change in your life?

Your job, home, relationship? Not as big as that or just too big a task to start with?

Your happiness level? Are you happy?

If you have been looking at others lives and wondering why their lives are so different or better you now know it’s about choices. Yes it can be irritating to see someone that’s no different to you in background, schooling, intelligence etc and yet they are now way ahead of you in the life stakes.

It makes you wonder if maybe it is pure luck, if so then there’s nothing you can do about it. An easy option right there. Luck is fickle, it hits you or it doesn’t, therefore it’s pointless trying to make changes. Right?

WRONG!

Good choices, bad choices.

Why are some choices good and others considered bad? Is there such a thing as a good or bad choice?

It’s not that the choice is good or bad it’s more about the outcome. If you aren’t happy with the result of the choice then you have learnt not to make that choice again.

When we make choices deliberately then we are taking responsibility for our lives. We understand that anything that goes wrong is down to a choice we made either recently or in the past.

We aren’t blaming others or expecting other people to get us out of problems of our own making, we are taking responsibility for our choices and subsequently our own lives.

When you make a deliberate choice and then take action you are creating a pathway to the future. Along the way you will make other choices, some may need adjusting as you go, as they steer you off the path. That’s not failure, it’s a course correction to keep you heading in the right direction.

Conclusion.

Choices are an everyday part of life, many we make unconsciously.

The rest you:

Either opt out of and don’t take responsibility for your life, the direction it takes and the way it is now.

Or you take charge of your life and make choices that take your life in the direction you want it to go. So you enjoy the life you have now and eventually have the life of your dreams as you shape your future.

Choose wisely because Choices good or bad create your life every single day.

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