You are Perfect

Nobody is perfect You are perfect

YOU are perfect!! Yes, you reading this.

Your immediate reaction is denial and maybe a hint of anger. You think I am joking.  BUT I’m not.

YOU are perfect, in your own unique way.

There is no one else quite like you on the planet. You are unique. Even if you have an identical twin there are still differences and you are still unique. You are perfect at being you, there is no one else like you on the planet.

You have got this far by being perfectly you, even though you still do not believe this statement.

Why we don’t believeNobody is perfect You are perfect

From childhood upwards, for many, approval from parents, siblings, wider family members, teachers, tutors, coaches etc depends on certain behaviours or achievements. Approval and praise is dealt out by how well we did in school and further education, from reports to exams and everything in between, to achievements at work and so on.

We are told to  seek perfection but also told that nobody is perfect. Where is the sense in that?

Social media doesn’t help as it can bring feelings of inadequacy when we see snippets of others lives that, convinced they live like that all the time.

An article about a picture shown on Instagram detailed how it was set up and arranged to look natural. It took over 2 hours to create that one ‘natural’ shot. It shows that what you see, may be a spur of the moment photo, but it may not. The thing to remember about social media, is that those pictures are a few seconds of their lives, not how they live all the time.

Self help

Self help and/or personal development is a massive industry now, that continues to grow rapidly.

From Webwire.com

  • Market Value…  Marketdata estimates that the self-improvement market in the U.S. alone, was worth $11.0 billion in 2018, versus $9.38 billion in 2016. The market grew about 18% in two years, fueled by growth in personal coaching services, self-help books and audiobooks, and weight loss programs. We expect the market to grow 5% in 2019 to $11.6 billion, and 4.8% per year, on average, between 2019 and 2023, when the market should be worth $13.9 billion.

From Psychology today

        What Does “Self Help” Mean?

  • On the eve of each new year, people commit to making lifestyle changes they believe will usher in personal satisfaction and happiness. But while an entire industry exists to help people meet these pressing goals, most individuals still flounder. How many times can we try to lose weight, quit smoking, cut back on alcohol consumption, or try to find a more suitable purpose in life? One answer: As many times as it takes to get it right.
  • Lasting change is difficult to achieve because many of our habits are deeply ingrained, and certain core personality attributes may be immutable. But all habits and character traits can be altered to varying degrees. It’s never too late to change and with effort and determination, it is possible to be the person you want to be, or at least someone closer to it.

Pandemic effects

I would think that at this time with the Covid-19 pandemic the industry would be growing even faster with so many countries in Lockdown. It is a difficult time with the restrictions, only allowed to exercise once a day or in some countries, not allowed out at all.

For those that have a garden it is easier as you can at least exercise or sit and relax outside in the fresh air. If you have no access to green spaces it makes everything much worse. Being out in nature has been shown to help stress and anxiety.

From Mind website

  • How can nature benefit my mental health?meditation in nature

  • Spending time in green space or bringing nature into your everyday life can benefit both your mental and physical wellbeing. For example, doing things like growing food or flowers, exercising outdoors or being around animals can have lots of positive effects. It can:
  • improve your mood
  • reduce feelings of stress or anger
  • help you take time out and feel more relaxed
  • improve your physical health
  • improve your confidence and self-esteem
  • help you be more active
  • help you make new connections
  • provide peer support.

The effects of Lockdown has affected many people from those living alone to families. People are worried about the wider family and friends as well as immediate family.

Those living alone don’t have their usual support network or the ability to go out when the four walls get too much. The families are all at home together 24 hours a day which can be difficult. It’s tough home schooling and trying to work from home without the usual help being available.

So what’s that got to do with being Perfect?

Situations become more stressful because of the pressure we put upon ourselves.  We feel everything has to be perfect. Work, kids, home, relationship etc. There is no perfect in any of that, everyone just muddles through as best they can.

Those that appear to have a perfect life with everything under control, really don’t. They are just better at hiding it or they have a lot of help.

Perfection really doesn’t exist, there is no standard for it. I believe it is in the eye of the beholder. One person will look at a view and declare it perfect. Another will glance at it and see something completely different.

Conclusionperfection is stagnation

Don’t try to be perfect because it doesn’t exist. Just be perfect, in your own unique way.  Don’t have plastic surgery and go on extreme diets to look perfect and don’t spend a fortune on clothes and accessories to try and appear perfect.

Just be YOU. Perfect exactly as you are. Be happy in the knowledge that no one else in the entire world can be as perfect at being you as you do.

Believe in yourself.

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Definition of Change

change

What is change?

Change is the only thing in life that is constant, so what is the definition of change? There will always be changes whether we like them or not, it’s a natural process that will always occur. Some are caused by nature and not of our doing, while others occur by sudden inclination.

  • “Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them – that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” Lao Tzu
  • “Life is about change, sometimes it’s painful. Sometimes it’s beautiful. But most of the time, it’s both.” Lana Lang.
  • “One reason people resist change is because they focus on what they have to give up, instead of what they have to gain.” Rick Godwin.

Definition of change

From the Merriam-Webster dictionary.

  • Verb: to become different, or to make someone or something different.

There are also many other ways of putting it. The Cambridge Dictionary is much the same.

I could copy and paste great swathes of information but I won’t as you can have a look by clicking on the name if you are interested.

Alternative words for change:

alteration, variation, vicissitude, substitution, swerving, deviation, diversion, shuffling, difference, reconstruction, aberration, evolution, restyling, innovation, move, interchange, trade, switch, fluctuation, wavering, modulation, alternating, exchange, mutation, transformation, transmutation, modification, vary, swap, shift….

And there are many more.

So change is a big part of life in its many different forms.

As human beings, we tend to resist change. It begins when we are small as we go through a phase of wanting everything to be the same, such as: food (all meals), toys, clothes, the journeys taken and so on.

  • The fear of change or changing things is called Metathesiophobia.hiding behind and under cushions

 

Where does the fear originate from?

Most likely from cavemen times. There was safety in sticking to the same routes when travelling or hunting because life was more dangerous.

They stuck close to home and socialised with their own tribe. Strangers meant danger, they probably wanted to kill you.

Heights  came with the possibility of falling, speed probably meant you were running for your life. Excitement very likely meant fighting for your life.

Everything back then was about survival, there was danger in change. It wasn’t a good thing to do. Now however, we have evolved but the instincts to resist change are still there.

 

Why is Change Good now?

We no longer have to be as hyper alert to danger as our ancestors were. So change is good, without change we stagnate. We tend to stay within our comfort zone and it becomes a habit.

A young couple in a relationship need change to keep it moving forwards. If the relationship doesn’t change and grow it stagnates and they drift apart.

Some people as they get older stick to the same habits and routines that gradually diminish their interactions with others. Their world shrinks until they are existing rather than living. Life should be about expanding your horizons and comfort zone, rather than shrinking it.

Live, don’t just Exist.time for change Definition of Change

It has never been easier to learn new things even if you don’t have permanent access to a desktop computer or laptop. Nowadays you can use them in libraries for free and there are internet cafes. Many access the internet on their phones with the free WiFi available in so many places.

The internet opens our world up to infinite possibilities, explore them and grow as a person.

Older people cant learn new things?

Actually they can. The saying used to be ” An old dog can’t learn new tricks”. People apply this to themselves. It’s a good excuse for not making an effort.

Scientists have proved that we can continue to grow new neural networks well into our 90’s if we continue learning.

Curiousity keeps us young. Be curious about the world we live in and about your own smaller world. Ask yourself why people do this or that, how something is made and what would happen if…..

Being curious keeps us interested in life and whats going on around us. A chance comment or a written sentence can lead us to learn a wealth of new information without even trying. Learning doesn’t have to be boring. Many people are put off because they think of their schooldays, often learning by repetition.

Some things are good to learn that way, others just boring. I still know my times tables and they still come in useful. In my schooldays we recited them over and over until we knew them by heart. But it’s not exactly an exciting way to learn.

Why should I bother?

Because it can be fun.

It gives you something to talk about with others.

Exchanging views, talking about what you have learnt can be enjoyable. If you really listen and don’t just listen to have your say, you will find that the other person’s view can change yours a little. They may have a view you haven’t considered, that you may think about later and eventually integrates with your views, especially if you have an open mind.

What’s an open mind?keeping an open mind

The meaning in the Cambridge English Dictionary

  • 12 Feb 2020 – open mind definition: to wait until you know all the facts before forming an opinion or making a judgment.

Definition of an open mind by Merriam-Webster

  • Open mind definition is – a willingness to listen to or accept different ideas or opinions.

I agree with both of those. We learn by listening and not immediately jumping to conclusions.

Many will only consider their own point of view despite evidence that contradicts them. Though to be honest you can find information, facts and figures to support pretty much any hypothesis, which encourages people to close their minds to other possibilities.

Conclusion.

So we started with change and it ‘changed’ into discussions on views and keeping an open mind. Which of course is what much change is about. A willingness to look at new things and consider them.

To try something different without automatically saying, I can’t.

Try saying, I will try, instead of the automatic no, I can’t. It could lead to you having fun and enjoying life much more.

 


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Beyond the Comfort Zone

What is a Comfort Zone?

Collins Dictionary defines it as: If a situation or activity is out of your comfort zone, it does not make you feel secure, comfortable, or in control.

Beyond the Comfort Zone

It’s a safe place to stay inside, unlike going beyond the comfort zone. Nothing exciting happens, nothing much changes and pretty much everything is on an even keel. Sound familiar?

No new horizons to explore, no pushing the boundaries of existence. Does that sound a bit dull?

Don’t you feel the urge for change? That urge is there somewhere, otherwise you wouldn’t be looking for answers. I suspect there is a part of you, however small it is, that is getting the urge to break free. Or just to have something different in your life, maybe.

Do you go beyond the comfort zone?

A lot, a little, never?

A comfort zone can be a safe place to watch the world from but wouldn’t you rather step outside it and take part in life?

Whats that? You like where you are? Really? Then why are you here? Something has brought you here, maybe it’s the need to find something more than the safe life you have. It begins with a restlessness, discomfort, a need to see what’s out there.

Yes, the world can be scary but it is also amazing, wonderful, exciting and a good place to explore is a comfort zone?

Why leave the Comfort Zone?

WHY?

Because there is a whole world out there to explore. Do you want to see the world or even parts of it for yourself? Wouldn’t it be amazing to actually see and touch things you have only seen through a screen or in a book? Wouldn’t you like to be free?

Eventually it can feel like ties that bind or chains that hold you in place.

Maybe that is a step too far. What about having new experiences, meeting new people, moving house or changing your job?

It’s very easy to become too complacent and comfortable in your Comfort Zone. But the outside world doesn’t stand still. It continually changes and eventually can end up disrupting that safe life you thought you had.

And think about it. Do you really want your life to be exactly the same in 2 or 5 years time as it is now?

What are the benefits of leaving your Comfort Zone?

Experiencing real life.

A bit of stress and anxiety are good for us, it helps us to grow as people. It’s not good for us to remain in a comfortable bubble. insulated against the world.  If we do, when a time of change occurs, it can be hard to cope with.

New experiences are all part of growth too even though we are often afraid of failing. Obstacles and challenges raise those fears, but there is a greater sense of accomplishment when we succeed.  Taking risks is really breaking through the barrier.

Challenges and obstacles are things we face and overcome, whereas taking a risk is stepping forward, away from the comfort zone and into the unknown.

Taking risks are growth experiences. Many people avoid these due to the chance for failure but failure is also a growth opportunity.

You come to understand that the only real failure is giving up, that each failure teaches you a way Not to do something.

You also come to realise that fail means ‘First attempt in learning.’

Change is good

Life is all about change, day to day change, week to week and even year to year. What am I waffling about? Change is good. It keeps us learning and growing and stops us from stagnating.

If there are no changes then you begin to exist rather than live. Is that really what you want? Even small chan

Conclusion

Pushing at the boundaries of that Comfort zone is clearly a good thing even if it’s only occasional.

Staying within that zone is existing, not living.

Stepping out will allow you to grow as a person, gain new skills and breakthrough even more boundaries. As you realise how much you can do and achieve, those boundaries will get pushed back even further. Life will take on new colour and meaning, becoming exhilarating at times as you start to really live your life as you are meant to. You will have your freedom back and be happy.

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